"It should be a stone in your shoe."

On Monday in our Field Study Seminar (FSS) course, we discussed a speech by Ivan Illich entitled, "To Hell With Good Intentions" which he gave to a group of students prior to their summer mission trip to Mexico. In this speech, he argues that one should not go to another underdeveloped country with the belief one can improve the lives of the people living there because really, what can one do in a week, month, or semester? All it can do is create confusion and unsustainable change, that we are, "ultimately, consciously or unconsciously - ´salesmen´for a delusive ballet in the ideas of democracy, equal opportunity, and free enterprise among people who haven´t the possibility of profiting from these." Instead, he says, "I am here to entreat you to use your money, your status and your education to travel in Latin America. Come to look, come to climb our mountains, to enjoy our flowers. Come to study. But do not come to help."

Aynn says to think of this as a "stone in your shoe," something that should bother us for the duration of this program and into the future. What are we really doing here? How should we, or should we interact with the people? I think there are certain things we can do, but would this be seen as interference?

I feel like my experience in the campo is a great example of this - I felt like they didn´t learn from me, and I didn´t learn much from them. I learned from myself, about my limitations. I have had a few of these sorts of experiences here in Nicaragua, something we call cultural incidents, or "green bananas" that are a sort of "clash" (a strong word, but the only one to describe it) between our two cultures. My green banana occurred two days before we left for the campo, and after learning about Illich´s theory, I feel that much more uncomfortable.

Two days before our campo excursion, I came home to find a new 19 year old girl named Scarlet in our house who would be living with us to do the housework once my aunt left. She seemed timid and uncomfortable, so I decided to talk to her while helping with the dishes after dinner but when I went to my room to work once we had finished she followed me and sat on my bed, ready to talk some more. I decided to put my homework aside, not only because I am a professional procrastinator, but also because it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Right away, she began to tell me that before she was with us, she worked in a restaurant and had a very attractive boss in his mid to late 20´s. She said that this was "the first man she ever wanted," and ended up inviting him over to her house where things happened. She said she was in love with him, but unfortunately found out that he had a wife and a daughter and therefore could not be with him. She was devastated, and at that moment, broke down crying. All I could think to do in this moment was hug her as she wept. Once she calmed down, she told me she had come here to get away but she can´t do so because she loves him so much and he keeps calling her. I felt a bit cornered and ended up giving her the cliché advice that is always impossible to take: "You need to forget him, ignore his calls, and meet new people, for your own health and well being." I then suggested that she come with me the next day to meet the girls that work at our study center so she could make friends in Máximo and she agreed. The next morning, when I asked her to come with me again she said no, so assuming that she was busy, I thought maybe I would take her that evening after class. When I returned home at six that night, she wasn´t in the house. I asked my mom and aunt where she was and they replied, "She left. This morning, we gave her 100 córdobas to go to the store to buy chicken for dinner and she never came back." And it was true, she never came back.

I was and I still am filled with so many emotions about this incident. How desperate must you be to run off with 100 cords which isn´t even worth five dollars in the US? How do I feel about the conversation I had with her the night before? Did she deserve my care, sympathy, friendship? As they say here in Nicaragua, ¿Vale la pena?...Is it worth the trouble?

I may never know the answer to the first because of my place in this global society. But was it worth the trouble, the sympathy, the time? Yes. Yes, I feel uncomfortable knowing what she did to my family, but that doesn´t mean she doesn´t deserve the care of others. Yes, I did have to stay up late to finish my work which made the next day harder, but she needed it. It may hurt, but I don´t regret anything I did because everyone, regardless of who they are, needs companionship, someone to talk to, and Scarlet probably needed it even more than most of us. But as an US citizen, as an outsider, should I have done this? Is this the interference I should be trying to avoid?

This will continue to be a stone in my shoe.


Thank you to everyone for reading this. Some general notes on my next few weeks...tomorrow, a group of us will be heading to Granada for the weekend which should be a good break, and on Tuesday we all head out to the Caribbean coast for the week. I am looking forward to seeing the differences between all of these places, and hopefully will have more time to reflect on the latest "piedras en mi zapato".

Missing you all...

Love,
Nicole

Some more great news from Neecoragua!

Hello friends and family! Just another update to let you all know I am alive and learning here in Nicaragua. Here are a few of my latest and greatest adventures.

On Saturday, we had a family reunion at my house and it was incredible. We cooked all day, and in the process, had wild dance parties. I taught my Aunt Mirna how to do the "Grease Lightning" dance (thank you barmitzvahs!) and we belted (well...she made the general sounds) "Summer Nights" at the top of our lungs. After that, my sister, cousin, and my aunts Mirna and Lorena danced to "Culo", and put their butts together every time they said the word. Last was "Gasolina" in which my sister, Heyling, and cousin, Julia, were doing sexy dances and my Aunt Mirna attempted to partake in the fun. It was amazing, and hopefully the pictures will be up soon on the slideshow. After that, we had a Secret Snowflake gift exchange before lunch, and at the end, my niece, Grace, gave me a necklace and said "Welcome to our family!" Oh the warm fuzzy moments.

On Sunday, I wrote my paper. To all those who are aware of my awful procrastination methods, it did take me almost all day, but I finished it before 4PM. Thus, I believe I deserve a "Most Improved" medal. Hopefully I can keep up this awesome proactivity all the way through the 25-30 page ISP paper!

Yesterday we went to visit the American Nicaraguan School to talk to the seniors about college in the USA. It was crazy - the majority of these kids are either from the wealthiest families in Nicaragua, children of Ambassadors of different countries, or (the few) are there on scholarship. I met the son of the owner of Flor de Caña (if you don´t know what this is, look it up on Wikipedia and note that it flows like a sweet, cheap waterfall in this country), another kid who owns his own island, and the son of the ambassador from Iceland. Wow. Phil/Fil/Pil/Chil and I talked to two groups about the liberal arts college experience, and they seemed pretty interested. Hopefully we will see some Nicaraguans at Bates next year!

Lastly, I want to tell everyone about some fabulous news that I can´t believe I have kept from you until now.

As many of you know, ice cream makes my world go ´round. Honestly, I think it is genetic. One of my greatest fears when I was preparing for my semester abroad was the fact that I didn´t know what the ice cream culture would be like. Much to my happiness, there is a "Sorbetería" right next door to the study center, and Kendall and I decided one day to go buy some ice cream.

If you aren´t already, you might want to sit down before you read this next part.

An ice cream cone costs 10 córdobas. THAT IS 50 CENTS. If you do the math, that means that we can eat ice cream every day of the week for the price of one Starbucks beverage. And the best part is...IT TASTES MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!

Thank you everyone for reading, I hope you are doing well, and I encourage you to comment, email me, and write letters, because your correspondence makes me feel fabulous.

If you don´t already know, the address is:

Nicole Kahn

c/o Aynn Setright

Apartado Postal 181

Managua, Nicaragua - Central America

Below is a picture of Phil/Fil/Pil/Chil and me with our first group at the ANS. We were pretty awesome, especially Phil with his Mario shirt, orange shorts, and Wolverine chops.

Until next time...

Love,

Nicole

"Welcome to Your Embassy."

Last night I had reverse culture shock...and it has only been three weeks.

We were invited to the US Embassy in Managua to attend a town meeting in which the ambassador to Nicaragua, Robert J. Callahan, spoke to the US citizens of Nicaragua. Let´s just say that when they tell you that you are now on American soil, they mean it.

When we arrived at the gate, a security officer walked on to our bus to check all of our passports. Unfortunately, Juan Pablo was not allowed to come in to the Embassy as he is not a citizen. We were told to leave everything on the bus - we were not allowed to take anything into the Embassy - then walked up to the door and had our names and passports checked again before going through a security checkpoint with a metal detector. Once we passed this step, we moved in groups of six to the main building of the Embassy. On the way, I felt like I was at a Hawaiian resort, because there were palm trees with lights illuminating them from below, and green, perfectly trimmed grass on either side of the immaculate stone paths. At the main building door, they checked passports again, I put on my nametag and the officer said to me, "Thank you Ms. Kahn, and welcome to Your Embassy." Unreal.

We walked in, and everyone spoke English. For some reason we all must have thought we were the only ones here who could, because we were so surprised to be able to understand all the conversations around us without looking straight at the speaker or asking him/her to slow down so we could understand. The ambassador and two other men spoke, and then they served refreshments. I saw a picture of Dick Cheney smirking on the wall, and I went to a bathroom where I could flush toilet paper, the toilet flushed on its own, and I saw myself in the mirror for basically the first time in three weeks. Holy shmoley.

I took advantage of my time at the Embassy. I ate five cookies (four chocolate chip and a star shaped one with red, white, and blue sprinkles) and one brownie, and used the bathroom twice. I think it is safe to say that my two hours in the United States last night were well spent.

In other news, today we have a family reunion at my house (hoorah for being part of the family!) because my mom is distributing the weekly food supplies from the government to the entire Colonia. Yeah, she is pretty cool.

I´m off to write a paper, but I hope everyone is enjoying their day, whether they are in the United States, pretending they are in the United States, or enjoying the rich culture of another country.

Love,
Nicole

Theme of the Day: Chocolate and Cookies and Cream Ice Cream

Hello everyone! Just a quick update with something that made my morning, and hopefully can put a smile on your face too!

In Spanish grammar class today, we began to discuss how to express hypothetical situations in Spanish. To do so, our professor, Ramón, had us play a game in which we had to continue to build off the response of the person before us. He started out by asking, "What would you do if you had a ton of money?" The following ensued.


If I had a ton of money, I would buy a country.
If I bought a country, I would buy a house on the beach.
If I had a house on the beach, I would suntan a lot.
If I suntanned a lot, I would have lots of freckles.
If I had lots of freckles, I would have a lot of boyfriends.
If I had a lot of boyfriends, I would be a bad person.
If I was a bad person, I would eat a lot of chocolate and cookies and cream ice cream.
If I ate a lot of chocolate and cookies and cream ice cream, I would get fat.
If I got fat, I would lose my boyfriends.
If I lost my boyfriends, I would have horses.
If I had horses, I would give them to my friends.
If I gave them to my friends, I would be super popular.
If I was super popular, I would run for president.
If I ran for president, I would win.
If I won, I would give chocolate and cookies and cream ice cream to my people.
If I gave chocolate and cookies and cream ice cream to my people, I wouldn´t have money.
If I didn´t have money, I would get loans from France.
If I got loans from France, I would have lots of french fries.
If I had lots of french fries, I wouldn´t need chocolate and cookies and cream ice cream.
If I didn´t need chocolate and cookies and cream ice cream, I would give it all to the people of Nicaragua.
If I gave it all to the people of Nicaragua, I would be very popular with my people AND the people of Nicaragua.
If I was popular with my people and the people of Nicaragua, I would run for queen of the world.


Overall, if we had a ton of money, we concluded that we would run to be the royalty of the world. Gosh, do I love Spanish.

In other news, we are back into classes, I still have a horrendous stomach ache from the campo, and I am still posting pictures, all of which will hopefully come to a close by tomorrow afternoon.

Lastly, to everyone: Enjoy your day, because as I have come to discover as I try to put my campo experience together, life is a wonderful thing that we are super lucky to have. Thus, treat yourself to something you love today, for me.

Love,
Nicole

"This isn´t eco-tourism...this is just the eco."

The title of this blog is a quote from our dear Program Director, Aynn Setright, in our class preceding the campo experience. We all laughed when she said this, though now that we are back it is all too real.

I am still having a lot of trouble digesting this rural experience - figuratively and literally. There is way too much to describe today in my 25 minutes left at the cybercafe, and I am sorry to tell all of you that I still can´t put it all together. Aynn says that this is a good thing - if I was able to handle it all right now it would mean that it didn´t affect me, so I apologize to all for the haphazard style in which this post will be written.

We left Managua at 7AM last Wednesday, and drove to Matagalpa, then out to San Ramón. From there, we got into the back of pickup trucks (a ridiculously painful rollercoaster ride) to begin the trek up to the communities. We dropped the other groups off, then six of us went up to Azáncor Arriba , high in the mountains. When we arrived, we took out our lists of families, and found out that they had given us the wrong family names - the ultimate bologna on your face moment. The truck had left, so we basically put ourselves up for grabs for the families. I ended up with a family that ranged between seven and twelve people everyday, and climbed down into the wilderness to find my home. I had a mother and father, four sisters (two of which were not there), three brothers, a nephew and and a baby niece, and I shared a room with two of my brothers. I also had two horses, five cows, three dogs, thirty chickens, a cat, and a pig. We had solar panels for electricity though it was never used, disgustingly awful latrines, and a "pozo" or waterhole-like well for bathing where I saw a snake the first day. It was all incredibly overwhelming, but most of all, I couldn´t handle their stares. SIT chooses to sacrifice quality control for the "true campo experience," which ended up meaning that the campesinos of Azáncor have never seen a white person before. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, and it has made me think a lot about poverty, though not in the way one might think. I am still having trouble sleeping as I try to comprehend everything I have been through for the last five days, and will hopefully be able to explain some of this later on the blog or to people specifically once I have had some time to figure it out.

For those of you who want a few brief highlights, here they are:

-I have fleas
-I am a master tortilla maker
-I got lost in the jungle with my sister and two brothers, but my 11 year old brother, Rolando, saved us by forging a path down the mountain with his machete
-I drank milk straight from the cow
-I was involved in caring for a man who was seriously injured after falling out of a tree
-I ate more corn than I have ever eaten or will probably consume in my lifetime
-At every meal I ate an awful cheese like substance that I later realized was curd
-I heard Celine Dion´s "All By Myself" on the radio in Spanish
-I may have improved my Spanish, but definitely learned a lot of campo dialect from my family
-My body may take a while to recover, but I will probably never be the same emotinally and mentally (this, I am told, is a good thing)

I am currently in the process of uploading all the pictures from this experience and our reunion last night in Matagalpa, so keep your eye on the slideshow/Picasa. Thanks to everyone for the comments recently, and I look foward to hearing from you all soon!

And last but certainly not least, a very large and in charge happiest of belated birthdays to my dearest LILA YAMS TOTINO!! I hope you had a fabulous day and I am thinking of you!

Thanks again, and look forward to more posts soon...

Love,
Nicole

the first weekend in la Colonia!

Hello all - just a quick update because I have loved all of your comments! This was our first weekend here and it was pretty not-so-exciting-but-exciting-all-the-same. On Friday night, my mom decided to show me her favorite karaoke DVD of old songs including those by the BeeGees, Michael Jackson, and the Carpenters...and she and my siblings know ALL THE WORDS though they don't know what they mean. She asked me what the lyrics to "Wake Up Little Susie" meant and it was slightly uncomfortable but hilarious all the same. After that, my sister and I watched High School Musical IN SPANISH and it was incredible. To all those who wish to know, "Everybody loves a good jazz square" is "Todos adoran los pasos de jazz" in Spanish!

Yesterday was a pretty lazy day - my mom and I went to the supermercado and I hung around the Study Center and the house. Today, my family and I went to the pool to swim and it was super fun. I sat outside for maybe half an hour total and I already have quemaduras de sol...sun burn. The burden of being a gringo!

Tomorrow and Tuesday we have classes, and Wednesday we head off to the campo in Matagalpa to live rurally for five days. I am excited and nervous - it is comparable to the rural communities that I saw in Honduras in February, so it might be hard to face this kind of poverty. Expect a new blogpost about it once I return!

Also, I added pictures to the slideshow - if you want to see them larger or with captions, just click on it and it will take you to the site.

Shout outs:
to all my friends abroad - I hope you are all having as great of a learning experience as I am!
to my friends at Bates - hope you had a great first week of classes...KEEP ME UPDATED! YAMS!
to my parents - I miss talking to you, but I am glad you are having such a great time in Italia!
to Tals, Nathan, and Plush Mister Puddin - give each other hugs for me, and Stinker, good luck with everything this week!

Missing everyone...until next week,
Nicole

culture shock begins...

As with any long trip abroad, there is always a point where one thinks, "What am I doing here? Who am I really?" For most of us in this program, we hit that wall last night after our afternoon class. We have two classes each day - Spanish in the morning at the UCA across town, and Revolution, Transformation, and Civil Society in the afternoon at the CIES near the Colonia. During yesterday´s class, Aynn talked about some of Nicaragua´s most recent history and the impact that the United States has had on the corrupt Nicaraguan governments of the past. Nicaragua is the second poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, and much of this is the fault of the United States. In the US, we may think we understand that the United States has done some bad things to poor countries, but until you see it, you have no idea.

When we walk down the streets, everyone stares. It is the most uncomfortable feeling to know that everyone knows where you come from and judges you because you are associated with something they dislike. Piropos, or cat calls, are abundant - I can´t walk down the street without someone calling me a "chelita" (little whitey), whistling, or anything else that could make one feel disgusting. We are in a bubble here, and we need to understand that this won´t change, no matter how tan we get in this extreme heat and humidity.

Last night I spent an hour with my host mom talking about poverty and reading the prologue of the book I chose to read for my Spanish class entitled, Bananos. She said that most Nicaraguans don´t judge the people from the United States, rather the government. She said they are glad that we come here as students so we can teach our peers and be the change for the future. It is now more than ever that I want to make a difference, but I need more time to figure out how I am going to do so.

Until later - missing you all!

Nicole

My nicaraguan family

Hola amigos y familia! It has been a few days since I last updated, and so much has happened. On Sunday we met our families for the first time and it was quite emotional. After all of the anticipation, I finally met my host mother and couldn't remember a single word in Spanish...it was terrible. Afterwards, I broke down crying in relief. It was absolutely crazy, but after the inicial shock/relief wore off, it was great. My mother, Edu, used to be a Spanish teacher and was a hard core feminist (and still is to an extent). I have an eleven year old sister named Heyling who likes to dance and loves High School Musical (obviously we get along well) and my eight year old brother, Eduber, is kind of quiet and a bit of a troublemaker, but he is a ton of fun to spend time with. My aunt, Mirna, will be staying with us for another couple of weeks because my mom is recovering from Bell's Palsy and needed help around the house. La Colonia Maximo Jerez is a working class neighborhood so it can be dangerous at night, but I love the sounds (there are tons) and the way everyone knows each other and helps each other.

In Nicaragua, electricity is very expensive, and especially in Maximo there is a water shortage so we only have running water from 2AM to 7AM. All of us in the house get up around 6AM to shower and get ready while the water is running, and afterwards we have to use buckets to shower, wash dishes, and flush toilets. My favorite part of this experience is flushing the toilet - I want to do it this way when I return to the US too.

CULTURAL EXPERIENCE EXPERIMENT #1: After using the toilet, instead of using the handle to flush, fill a small bucket with water and pour it into the bowl. The pressure will flush the toilet. IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!

Besides that, classes started yesterday and they have been incredible. Is it possible to love working hard? Because I am really enjoying this.

I'll post pictures soon...I promise! For now, I hope everyone is doing well and all the Batesies are having a great first day of classes. I miss you all, but I look forward to hearing from you (this is me passively suggesting that you comment, email, and write...)!

Love,
Nicole