HIV, sequins, and guns...how do these all fit together?

They are all mentioned in this post, that´s how.

First of all, I´m going to be whiny. Do you ever have those times when you turn in a paper that you can´t believe you wrote because you feel so terrible about it? Well, that´s how I feel right now. We had to write a 4-6 page comparative essay on Nicaragua and El Salvador, and I had absolutely no idea what to write about - there was so much information about the two countries yet so little detail to use. We also had the option to write in English or Spanish, and I was ridiculous enough to decide to challenge myself to write in español. OY. Take my advice - never write a paper that you wouldn´t feel comfortable writing in English in another language as it will just make you feel more useless!

Now that we are done with that rant, let´s get down to business.

On Tuesday, I finally met with my advisor for my ISP at Xochiquetzal to discuss my project, and I am SO EXCITED. Her name is Patricia González, and she is a psychologist who has been working with the organization for 12 years. She also told me about another organization that she helped develop called the Asociación de Nicaragüenses de Personas Positivas Luchando por la Vida (ANICP+VIDA) that focuses all their work on support for people living with HIV. She said that I will be spending most of my time shadowing her while she visits and helps individuals, couples, and families affected by HIV. In addition, I will probably be attending the Thursday afternoon support groups at ANICP+VIDA, visiting hospitals to see the government programs provided, developing support protocol for other psychologists, and maybe even help build ANICP+VIDA. It is kind of crazy because all Patricia knows about me is that I am a psychology student from a university in the United States and she is already giving me so much responsibility. It is such a new feeling - in the United States, I feel like I am valued for what I can´t do because I don´t yet have my B.A. or a masters or whatever other experience an organization may require, but here I am cherished for my interest and what I can and will do. This coming month is going to be intense, but I am too excited for words.


A shout out to my dear Pirate Club that I miss with the fire of ten kagillion suns:

On Monday morning, my mom and I went to the Mercado Oriental to buy fabric to make traditional folkloric dance costumes so that we can perform together in the closing ceremony of our program. I was extremely skeptical about this little adventure especially because my sewing skills are not yet up to par for this kind of project. I can say this considering that my sewing resume consists solely of a t-shirt and shorts I made in 3rd grade, a flower bouquet for the fall play (note: there was no real sewing involved in this project), a hat for the winter play, and two quilts that I made during short term...but I went to the market anyways, thinking that I might as well try, laugh at myself when I completely failed, then come crawling back to the Bates costume shop in January to beg Kathy to reteach me everything I learned last year.

When we arrived at the market I couldn´t believe my eyes...my darling pirates, you would have fainted. There were rows and rows of fabric stores down the street of the outdoor market with rows and rows and rooms and rooms of fabrics and adornments and everything shiny and colorful that you could possibly want to make absolutely anything. I left the mall of fabrics with 18 dollars worth of supplies to create my own traditional costume...but that was the easy part. Then I actually had to do it.

That night, my mom and I made the blouse for the costume, the Nicaraguan way. I am a disgrace to the costume shop for what I did, but I had to do it because it was the only way. We took t-shirts and placed them on our satin without pins, then traced them with blackboard chalk. After, we cut the "pattern" using dull scissors that couldn´t even cut paper, then did the other side in a similar fashion. Next, we brought out the sewing machine and I surprised myself by successfully threading the bobbin on a machine I had no clue how to use. Finally, I did the sketchiest part - I attempted to sew my fraying, asymmetrical satin on the machine I didn´t understand. Fearfully, I took the shirt off the machine, cut all the loose thread (just for you Kathy!), and put it on, hoping that I didn´t look like a complete idiot. Much to my surprise, my mom screamed, "¡Que linda!" (How beautiful!) because it actually fit. Wow. Luckiest day of my life.

Since then, I have been sewing sequins and adornments on the shirt which is supposed to sparkle to the point of blindness, and I am pleased to say that under the circumstances, I successfully sewed a shirt. Now on to the skirt and hat!


Last bit of news for this update:

Yesterday afternoon, as a part of the Culture of Peace module of our history class, we visited the Parque de la Paz that Violeta Barrios de Chamorro built at the end of the war in Nicaragua. This is what we saw there. Can you tell what the things are that are sticking out of this wall?


Answer: GUNS. Doña Violeta had all the weapons of the war dumped into a pit covered in cement to bury them, signifying the end of the armed war. It was an incredible sight. Below is a tank that was also covered with cement at the park.


Isn´t that nuts?

Anyways, I have about four minutes left at the internet café, so I am going to sign off before I get into trouble. I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, and I am missing you all SO much!

Love,
Nicole

Good luck on this one!

Hello everyone! Thanks so much for waiting on me...I have been receiving a lot of notes wondering where my blog posts have been lately, so please understand that it has been a very busy two weeks. The few days before we left for El Salvador we had all of our final presentations and proposals due, so I had trouble finding time to write. THUS, thank you in advance for reading everything in this post, I´ll try to make it worth it, and I promise they will be more regular from now on!

First, a few notes about things pre-El Salvador...

I gave my final presentation for Spanish class on an incredible book written by Nicaraguan author Emilio Quintana entitled, Bananos about the lives of banana workers and the corruption and poverty they endure in southern Nicaragua and Northern Costa Rica. It absolutely blew me out of the water and I would recommend it to any of my Spanish speaking friends (it´s only 66 pages!), so if any of you are interested let me know and I would be happy to bring back a copy for you.

That also means...60 hours of intensive Spanish instruction: CHECK!
Here is a picture of my Spanish class (Sam, Chelsea, me, Molly, and Elizabeth) with our two professors, Ramón and Araceli at the end of class celebration. They are too wonderful for words.

ALSO...drumroll please...I turned in my ISP proposal! My official topic is: An investigation of psychosocial support networks for people living with HIV in Nicaragua. Starting November 4th, I will be in Managua with the same host family (HOORAH!) while working with a psychologist at an organization called Fundación Xochiquetzal, learning about the support services offered and the challenges that the positive population face in Managua. I may also go up north to Chinandega for a week to do a case study of the resources in another region. It is so exciting to finally have it almost figured out, although now I have a few days to get everything sorted out with the Bates IRB...eek!

AND, my last exciting piece of pre-El Salvador news...I VOTED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!

Washington was being slow about sending out the absentee ballots, so I voted with Kendall, my dear friend from Sammamish, using the super sketchy federal write-in absentee ballot for citizens residing outside of the United States. We were probably a little too excited for it, so we took pictures of the entire process:


I am really looking forward to seeing these elections through a Nicaraguan lens because as far as I have seen, Central Americans are more informed about the elections in the United States than many United States citizens. Only 9 more days!

And finally, EL SALVADOR!

El Salvador was probably the most enjoyable part of my semester so far, and that is seriously saying something. The best way to describe this excursion is completely and utterly overwhelming - between the amount of activities we had and the weight of all of them, I am lucky I am still breathing. We visited a lot of groups and met a lot of fabulous people which would be way too much to write about here, but these are a few of the big events and exciting moments from the trip.

-We spent two days in the campo again - and it wasn´t that bad this time! We lived in Santa Marta, a community in the Cabañas region near the Honduran border. During the war, the people of Santa Marta were caught in between the guerrillas and the military, so they fled to Honduras to escape the inhumane treatment they were suffering. During the day, we worked at Radio Victoria, the community radio run by the youth of Santa Marta and Victoria up the mountain that reaches their region and even parts of Honduras. It was absolutely amazing - the first day I worked with production to make an informational advertisement to encourage people to vote, and the second day I worked in the cabin where I spoke live on the radio and got to play music. The song I chose to play was actually by the Bates Deansmen in an attempt to introduce Central America to a capella...so Tom and friends, you are now international superstars!

-We all spent a day with students from Santa Marta who are studying on scholarship at the universities in San Salvador. Chelsea, Phil and I followed Vilma, a journalism major at the UCA, who actually worked at Radio Victoria before coming to the city. We went to her photojournalism class and then to her job at the radio station, from which we went absolutely everywhere. Vilma had to get interviews for her two stories that day, so we took the bus to the Sheraton for a meeting of the embassy of Holland regarding trade with El Salvador, and then to a conference at the National University. We returned to the station at 5PM, she wrote her story, and it went on the air at 6PM. It was amazing but so stressful - it made me feel like I was back at college....goodness, I can´t believe I forgot what stress feels like!

-We visited the National Assembly to talk to government representatives from the two major political parties about their platforms and their thoughts about their huge elections this January and March. El Salvador has municipal and representative elections every three years and presidential elections every five years, and 2009 is the 15th year (least common denominator!) in which all will occur simultaneously. It was an awesome opportunity, and after all the history we had learned and the time we had spent talking to Salvadorans throughout the week, it was super interesting to see how these parties function.

-On Wednesday, we watched one of the most incredible and terrifying movies that I have ever seen called, Voces Inocentes about the civil war in El Salvador during the 1980´s. We had spent all week learning about the war, seeing the horrific pictures, and hearing people´s unbelievable testimonies, but this really hit me hard. After the movie, I went up to my room and hyperventilated because I felt so powerless in the face of the injustice and abuses that occurred and still occur around the world to this day.
In fear of the threat of communism, the United States gave what equates to 1.5 million dollars per day for 12 years to the oppressive military dictatorship that committed unforgivable acts against the people of El Salvador which are some of the most disgusting human rights abuses I have ever seen. It is so difficult to even attempt to fathom the psychological training and the barriers one must create in their mind to do these sorts of things. And how can these things still be happening in our world?
I am still recovering from these images and now more than ever I have started to question myself about who I am and what I believe. I have been told this is a good thing, so hopefully I will come out of this stronger and with a clearer idea of what life means.


And now for a little more upbeat news...

-We met with an SIT Nicaragua alum who is actually JEWISH, from BELLEVUE, graduated from NEWPORT in 2003...and knows my sister and Nathan! Just one of those happy moments that lets you know that the world really is that small.

-I had the most marvelously and fabulously economical ice cream while in El Salvador...gosh I love Central America!

-I rode the most terrifying ferris wheel of my life. It was so bad that Aynn is adding "Ferris wheels in Santa Marta" to the list of banned activities for future semesters. You can see a video of me and Chelsea on the wheel below...though it doesn´t do it justice.



Overall, El Salvador was a fantastic experience, and has actually made me think about coming back down here to study the psychological effects of the war in Nicaragua and El Salvador for my thesis. Who knows!

Here are a few more photos from the trip...


This is from the rose garden memorial for the six Jesuit priests who were assassinated in 1989 by the government.Outside the National Cathedral, I saw this little girl feeding the pigeons.We walked down the mountain through the corn fields from Victoria to Santa Marta on our first day in the campo, and this was the view we had the entire way. In the distance you can see Honduras! The war memorial in San Salvador for the Salvadoran civil war is just like the Vietnam memorial in Washington DC. Oscar Arnulfo Romero was the archbishop who was assassinated in 1980 by the government. He is the most famous man in Salvadoran history, described as a prophet by everyone in the country.

And since then? We returned Friday night around 9PM to a wonderful potluck dinner organized by our host moms. It was so cute!


This next part is dedicated to Margaret, Hilary, and Liz:
Yesterday, I made my family´s first ever chocolate chip cookies that weren´t Chips Ahoy ("They aren´t hard!" (That´s what she said!)), and my sister and I went around Máximo banging pans and with pots on our heads to deliver cookies to all our aunts. IT. WAS. AWESOME.


So that is the way too long update on the last two weeks of my life. Basically, I am having such a great time and it is crazy to think that we are now more than half way done with the program!

The slideshow in the upper right hand corner is now completely updated, so you can click on it and have fun going through the absurdly extensive collection.

Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Love,
Nicole

Singing in the Rain, part two

So it hasn´t been that long since my last update, but yesterday was just such a fabulous and hilarious day that I had to tell you all about it!

The title of this entry refers specifically to the second part of yesterday´s story, which could be an extension of the blog I had to write at the Religious Action Center two summers ago. You can read that story here, if you wish.

But first, the story of the beginning of my day.

Yesterday morning, my aunt came to my door to ask if I wanted to go to the cemetery with my family. Why not? It seemed like it would be a cool experience to spend time with my family and see another important site of Managua. My brother, sister, cousin and I got into the open back of my uncle´s pickup truck and my mom, two of my aunts, my uncle, three of my cousins, my two siblings and I drove all the way across Managua to visit the grave of my grandparents.

The cemetery was enormous, which I learned is because there are only two public cemeteries in Managua. All the graves were colorful and unique, and some of the wealthier families had even constructed small churches for their families within the cemetery. We went to my grandparents´shared tomb, placed flowers on the grave, then pulled out chairs and a bottle of Coca Cola from the truck. We drank, joked, and listened to music together between the graves, almost as if we had come to the cemetery to include my grandparents in our family reunion. They took pictures with the tomb and danced to Reggaeton, and then my mom and I decided to take a walk around to see more of the cemetery. We passed some incredible tombs and mini churches, and then came across a small, fenced in area between the rows of graves. I was extremely curious to find out what it was and much to my surprise, here surrounded by the thousands of Catholic tombs was a Jewish cemetery. The gate was locked but there were probably no more than 40 graves in the two rows, so we walked around the outside to read the stones. As with other Jewish cemeteries I have visited, all the stones were black granite and virtually identical to represent equality in death. Even more surprising than actually finding a Jewish cemetery in a Catholic country, most all of the people buried here were born in the 20´s or 30´s in Poland, Hungary, Russia, and other European countries, which led me to assume that they were WWII refugees who had chosen Nicaragua as their safe haven. It was so powerful, and made me appreciate Nicaragua that much more.

Three hours later, we returned to Máximo after hitting up the gas station and "PriceMart", an exact replica of Costco in Managua. I got out of the truck, sunburned from head to toe and collapsed on my bed to take a nap. I woke up and it was storming outside, but I had promised Kendall that I would meet her at the office to read our book, so I put on my rainjacket, stuffed my dictionary and book in the front, and put on my shower shoes to run down the street to the pulpería to add minutes to my phone and then to the study center to meet my friend. I was feeling super smart for deciding to wear my plastic flip flops because the street was flowing like a river, but as I started to cross the road, one of them flew off my foot and started swimming away with the strong current. As I tried to chase after it, the other came off, following the lead of the first. Trying to keep my pregnant belly of books safe from the torrential downpour under my jacket, I ran barefoot down the street after my shoes, until the road started to slope downward towards the center of Managua and my shoes escaped from sight. Dejected, embarrassed, shoeless and soaked, I walked into the pulpería, determined to continue with my original quest to buy cell phone minutes. The lady looked at the soaked rat that just walked into her store, and asked me where my shoes were. Using the fabulous "no fault" construction of the Spanish language, I replied:

"Se me perdieron mis zapatos en el río de la calle..."
(My shoes were lost in the river of the street...)

She started laughing hysterically. I mean really, who wouldn´t? I was laughing at me too. She gave me my minutes and I started walking barefoot down to the study center. From a few houses away, I could still hear her laughing and telling my story to her family. While it was absurdly embarrassing, I can at least look back on this experience and know that I brought joy to another Nicaraguan´s life by being a ridiculous gringo, which is a good thing, right?

With that, I am off to finish reading and do some other homework with Kendall, but I hope you all have a marvelous Sunday!

Love,
Nicole

"Extreme citizenship is marked by extreme sacrifice."

The above is a quote from this week´s visiting professor in our Nicaraguan history class, María Teresa Blandón. At first, this quote may seem like it came straight out of a book on terrorism, but here in Nicaragua and other Latin American countries that have suffered at the hands of dictators, this is something admirable.

The Somoza dictatorship of the 20th century in Nicaragua has been described as possibly the worst in Latin American history, and sadly much of this is the fault of the United States. As María Teresa described it, "Central America was an incredibly important laboratory for the United States," and Nicaragua is no exception. The United States gave the first Somoza his power by giving him control of la Guardia Nacional, or National Guard, which they imposed on the country. For the next 45 years, the Somoza family and la Guardia Nacional committed outrageous human rights abuses and stole millions of dollars from the people. It is said that in the 1970´s, Nicaragua was even worse off than El Salvador in the 1980´s. In a country of 3.5 million people, more than 50,000 people died, to the point where tires were burnt in the streets to mask the smell of the rotting corpses. I can´t even begin to imagine the trauma that something as terrible as this could inspire. As a result, there is still animosity towards the US and fear that our military will return. For example, we are urged not to attend political rallies because people may think we were sent by the CIA. For similar reasons, we were told not to bring any camoflauge or military khaki colored clothing for the semester.

Still today as we walk down the streets we see people without limbs as a result of Nicaragua´s past. Yesterday, we talked to one of our Spanish professors, Ramón, about his time as a Sandinista revolutionary. He told us that he was put in jail five times by la Guardia Nacional and was tortured and beaten so much that he spent six months recovering in the hospital after his last jail term; however, opening up like this is rare - most people here choose to disguise their pains though their scars may be plainly visible.

As a psych major, this is something in which I am incredibly interested. In the United States, one finds outstanding numbers of people who participated in war with PTSD, and an even greater portion of the population use psychosomatic drugs for a range of emotional issues. Here, there is very little talk about psychological health. Though the field of psychology may be growing, the demand for therapy and psychiatric assistance seems unusually low. Aynn and I discussed this issue a few days ago when I met with her to discuss my Independent Study Project (ISP). In many countries, people "rip off the bandaid" and handle their grief by dealing with it directly, but in Nicaragua, they keep their wounds covered, believing if they pack it away and leave it behind, they can relieve themselves of their emotional pains. Some argue that Nicaragua has taken such an emotional toll over the years that it is time we rip off the bandaid, that Nicaraguans need to confront these issues to relieve themselves of the pressures of the pains of their history. But what effects would this have on the second poorest country in the Western Hemisphere? If these issues were recognized and care was necessary, it could have grave economic effects from which Nicaragua would probably never recover.

It is for reasons like these that I want to focus on issues of psychological health for my ISP next month. I will spend this weekend developing my proposal and hopefully will be able to learn more about these issues by focusing on a specific theme.

Otherwise, I am doing well down here - Yom Kippur finished last night and my mom made me a fabulous chicken salad and bought some delicious fruit bread for me to break my fast. It may not be bagels, lox, quiche, or kugel, but it was still darn tasty! This weekend I will be working like crazy on two papers, a book presentation, and the IRB proposal for my ISP, taking a few breaks to go with my mom to buy fabric to make a traditional Nicaraguan dress and learn some typical dance.

Thanks again for reading my thoughts, and hopefully my next entry will be a little more uplifiting. To all, have a wonderful day and know that I am smiling thinking of all of you!

Love,
Nicole

And we´re back online!!

A day later than expected, but back safely from the coast, which is all that matters, right?

There is so much to write about – I will try to keep it somewhat short while giving everyone all the fabulous details of my last week. Deal? Deal.

Last weekend before the coast, eight of us met at 5:45AM to catch the 6:20AM bus to Granada, one of the colonial cities of Nicaragua. For most of its history, Granada has been known as the conservative capital of the country, and is now one of the most popular tourist destinations in Nicaragua. This was obvious after living in Managua for five and a half weeks because everything was so much more expensive, though by American standards, it was ridiculously cheap.

We arrived at about 7:30AM got breakfast (banana chocolate chip pancakes!) and saw some of the beautiful churches and other sights of Granada. Afterwards, we checked into our hostel and at 1:30 we were picked up to drive for 45 minutes up the rocky roads into the cloud forest for a canopy tour, which was one of the most exciting things I have ever done. It consisted of 12 zip lines and eight platforms throughout the jungle, and at the end, we had to repel down from a platform to the ground. It was super extreme!

That night, we went out for dinner, then joined the rest of Granada in the center square to watch a big boxing match on a giant screen featuring Mayorga, the infamous Nicaraguan boxer. Mayorga ended up getting knocked out in the 12^th round, all of Nicaragua celebrated, and we went back to the hostel to sleep. The next morning we went to breakfast (strawberry chocolate chip pancakes!) and caught the bus back to Managua.

Below is one of my favorite things that we found at the bar in our hostel…who thinks of these ridiculous things?

Costs:

One hour bus ride to Granada: $1
Banana chocolate chip pancakes: $4.25
Hostel with free internet, tea, and coffee: $8
Canopy tour for three hours near Volcán Mombacho: $28
Too much food for dinner: $4
Strawberry chocolate chip pancakes: $3.75
Bus back to Managua: $1

Total spent for a weekend trip to Granada (besides priceless): $50

…which is still less than the price of a one way trip for the 40 minute ride from Portland to Lewiston with the Mermaid Transportation. Wonderful.

On Tuesday, we left for our week in the autonomous coastal region of Nicaragua. On the coast, we had two groups – one in Pearl Lagoon and one in Orinoco. Traveling there was absolutely horrendous – the coast is so isolated! We met at the study center at 5:30AM and left on the bus at 6AM, then drove to Juigalpa where we stopped at 9AM for a bathroom/snack break. We then got back on the bus to Rama, where we arrived at 1PM, then piled on two small motorboats for the two hour journey down the Río Escondido to Bluefields in the Southern Atlantic Autonomous Region (RAAS) of the coast. We spent one night there, then got back on the boats for another hour ride to Pearl Lagoon, and for those in Orinoco, another hour further north from Pearl Lagoon.

Pearl Lagoon was pretty fabulous – we stayed in a guest house and had two meetings every day with community leaders and local groups. My favorite meeting was with Acción Médica Cristiana (AMC) which is an NGO that is working on HIV prevention in Pearl Lagoon. After that meeting, four of us decided to visit the Ministry of Health (MINSA) to learn about the services they provide and had a tour of the entire facility. What surprised me most about all of these medical services is that there were no psychologists in Pearl Lagoon – if someone needed counseling after a positive HIV test, they would have to travel to Bluefields which is quite expensive for the locals. A few of us also decided to visit the Moravian church during their revival campaign, which was definitely a new experience for me.

The coast itself is an absolutely crazy mixture of cultures with a unique and interesting history. Most everyone spoke Creole/English, and we ate fresh seafood and coconut bread every day. AND, for all of you baseball fans out there, here is a link to another interesting fact about Pearl Lagoon… (Thanks to Lila!)

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2762971

On Saturday, we returned to Bluefields for the night and had a dance presentation from a native group on the coast called the Garifuna. These people were originally slaves from Ghana whose ship landed on St. Vincent in the Antilles, and mixed with the locals from the island to create this new ethnic group. As a result of colonization, they ended up coming to Mesoamerica and today, this ethnic group only exists in three places in the world, one of which is the Caribbean coast of Nicaragua.

Their dancing was absolutely incredible – I couldn’t believe the ways in which they could move. I even got to hear a “shofar” when they played the conch! A video example is taking way too long to upload, so you will all have to settle with the fact that it was mindblowing, and I hope to upload one for all of you soon!!

After, they invited all of us to join them in a circle to dance. Each of us had to step into the circle individually and attempt the Garifuna dance which was both exciting and hilarious at the same time. Once we each had our turn, they invited us to perform a traditional two person dance and at the end, I was the last person in the circle dancing with one of the Garifuna men. It was amazing – though I am a dancer, it is always uncomfortable trying to do a dance you don’t know in front of an entire restaurant; however, it was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life thus far.

The next day at 8AM, we left on boats back to Rama, then back on the bus towards Managua. We stopped again in Juigalpa and at about 5:30PM we were stuck in traffic about an hour and a half from Managua. We learned that they were doing construction on the bridge and due to the excessive rain, the detour was underwater. We were banking on getting back to the Gua at 1 or 2 in the morning at this rate if at all, so we turned around and went to Boaco for the night and stayed in the only option for 20 people: a dirty little hotel without much running water. We left the next morning at 8AM, and finally got back to Máximo at 9:30AM. What a trip!

Now we are back in the Gua for a week and a half before we head off to El Salvador to compare the two countries. As Aynn told us, “Get ready to turn yourself inside out one more time!”

Pictures might take a while to get up and for this I am sorry, but thank you to all for reading this extremely long update – I hope you all enjoyed your week and look forward to hearing from you!

Lastly, to all my Jewish friends, Shanah Tovah and may you all have an easy fast this Thursday!

Love,
Nicole